Rock
Scissors
Fuck
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
