I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
