just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
