I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Semen is not good for contacts.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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