i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
