I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
The air taste purple.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
