and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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