I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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