I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
