he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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