College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
