are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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