someone get that fucking seahorse.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize