I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
