I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize