Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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