Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
how drunk are you?
Several
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
