I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
