she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
