I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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