That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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