And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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