I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
