My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
