I will die if light touches me.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
