I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
