Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
