you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
The adults are the big ones right?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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