how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
