You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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