You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Drake has all the answers
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
