If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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