the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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