I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Dick very happy bro
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
