To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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