Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize