pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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