listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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