She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
