Yo dont text me then not text me
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
