Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize