Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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