She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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