you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
