I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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