you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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