you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Randomize
