but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
