i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
