you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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