She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
