That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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