you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
