i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
