I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
this hospital has no fireball
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize