She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
You smell like stripper and shame
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
