I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
