Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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