I met the friendliest cop last night
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
