Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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