when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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