my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
