Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
