I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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