No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
