I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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