Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
