Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
