for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
