Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
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