I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize