He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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