Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
