Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
the night ended with taco bell and tears
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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