I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize