I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
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