She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
