woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
