I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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