remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize