I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
