I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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