I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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