I swear she didn't look like that last week.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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