Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
