either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
