Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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