you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
