just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
