her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Randomize
