People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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