this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I need a beard to bite.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
