We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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