There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
