drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
