I feel like abortions should bother me more
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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