Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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