I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
My hand turned me down
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize