going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
