She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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