just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
