all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
