We're like a lot better than the average bears
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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