I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
