well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
