his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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