need another drink. this is the easiest way
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
high people should be assigned attendants
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize