I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
