I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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