I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
