the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
