We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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