I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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