I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I want her autograph on my taint
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
