i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize