She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
