she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
