i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
