why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
