found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
